Winter for a malcontent

I like when it's not winter. I really do. In fact, I tend to prefer it when it's not winter. HOWEVER, what makes not-winter so great, is that sometimes it's winter. Without the unmentionable-numbing coldness of winter, we wouldn't get to enjoy the thawing of the unmentionables in the spring, and the exposing of the unmentionables in the summer.

What am I talking about, you ask?

Great question. Here it is: I'm as happy as the next guy that winter has been lame this year. Fewer car accidents. Lower electricity bills. Unmentionables partially frozen, like Timbits, but not totally frozen, like ice cubes. But I have some issues with this lack of winter.

First is the looming dread -- always there, barely noticeable, but rubbing me all over the head and back just enough to make me slightly uncomfortable -- that the end of days is coming. But that's just me (and perhaps a billion other people).

Most importantly, though, I have all this winter beer in my cellar. Spruce beer! Belgian beer! Delicious and dark and spicy and thick stuff! But, alas, the weather has been all wrong. I've been, instead, craving IPAs lately. The other stuff has seemed too heavy for the light weather. It's a shame, really. And that's why, for me, I could have used a few solid weeks of real winter. I would have liked to go out for a long, freezing cold walk in the snow, come home, and reward myself with a thick and warming beer. Then complained about how cold it is and watched a good hockey game. (Which, by the way, as a habs fan, I haven't seen too many "good" hockey games this year. gerk, another reason this winter sucked...)

But I guess I'll look on the bright side: the beers I didn't drink age well, and will be even better NEXT winter. I never thought I'd be able to resist them that long, but I think I will. Next winter: the beers will be open when the unmentionables are frozen. That, I promise*.

*Unless I drink them first.