New beer/old beer: A plea

Dear lcbo: I would like new beer please. Thank you. Come to think of it, I would like old beer too. Your cupboards are still bare from the holidays, and thank you for providing for me then, but my cupboards at home are bare too. It's cold, and I need to be warmed by something delicious and beer-y. Otherwise, I'll dip into the bourbon. I swear I will, and that's not good for anybody. For the sake of my health, and my marriage, please don't make me dip into the bourbon. Please give me beer. New beer I haven't tried before. Old beer that I've tried before and really liked. New Ontario craft beers I hear about but can't get, old Belgian beers like Quebec gets but we never seem to. Please. lcbo? Are you there? Please..... [please]...